Who Knew There Were Other Things On TV Besides ESPN? (Part 1)

Ask any casual sports fan and they'll tell you that the sports calendar hits its peak sometime shortly after the conclusion of the NBA Finals. That's when baseball has the stage all too itself and if you're not a fan of baseball like myself, it can be pretty depressing to suffer through an entire episode of SportsCenter and, even worse, to watch the repetitive nonsense of recycled topics weekly that they tend to muddle through when it comes to ESPN's First Take.

In this case, that's when the remote becomes a man's best friend. Who knew other channels existed outside of ESPN and unlike most summer's where I spend a lot of it consumed with the CBS reality show Big Brother, I was pleased to find a few other shows that peaked my interest until football season was back in the swing of things. One by one I'll delve into each but why not start with a guilty pleasure of mine, Big Brother 14.

Big Brother 14 

As I write this, the finale of Big Brother 14 is less than a week away and the anticipation is killing me as to whether or not Dan Gheesling will walk away as the only two-time winner of Big Brother. In order for that to happen, of course, he'll have to survive tonight's live eviction, but from what I'm hearing it appears that he will... 

Danielle Murphee & Shane Meaney of Big Brother 14

...but in this game one can never be too sure. Big Brother doesn't have the tagline of "expect the unexpected" for nothing and until I see the likes of Shane or Ian walking out of the door, I will continue to take the things I read on the internet with a grain of salt.

Overall, this season hasn't been as intriguing as others in the past and I've found myself at times to be disinterested. Other than a few unanswered questions here and there (i.e., whether or not Danielle's boobs are real, whether or not Shane is gay, and whether or not Danielle and Shane have a legit chance of being a couple outside of the house), this season has been more about the social game rather than the strenuous demands that the game can tend to put on the houseguests. For further proof of this, google the name Frank Eudy and you'll find that for a guy of such physical prowess; even he could not make it to the end of the game and, surely, a lot of that has to do with the "Quack Pack" alliance of this year's final four: Danielle, Shane, Dan, & Ian.

Either one of these people deserve to win the game after making it this far, but I have a hunch that Shane will be the first to go. His mental ability is weak compared to his physical strength and, quite frankly, I just don't think he's done enough to deserve the half million dollars. Especially when they're are other contestants such as Dan and Ian that have made valiant efforts in playing the Big Brother game the way it is designed to be played.

Whatever the case, the winner's fate ultimately rests in the hands of the jury of evicted houseguests and depending on who's final 2 deals were legit, I can easily see Dan winning this game again. At this point, he deserves it a notch above Ian and, if the jurors aren't biased in the matter, I would love nothing more than to see him walk away with the grand prize. 

Until then, trust me, I'll be tuned in.

End of Part 1

¤ Florescent Ink ¤

"Life is like a pen, you can cross something out but you can never erase it"

I've never claimed to be a good writer. Far be it from myself to give credit where credit is due; but having recently attained a degree in Journalism, I would say that that's all the justification I'll ever need in life when it comes to the things I can do with a pen.

But that's neither here nor now...

Instead, a more pressing issue has been at the forefront of my psyche for the last couple of days and a lot of it has to do with that never-ending question of, "what's next?" I graduated from Troy University back in July and although I'm strongly considering going back to school for my Master's, a part of me is also wanting to finally piece together this puzzle of mine called life. Every single day I'm being pulled in different directions it feels like and while I'm content with simply living in the moment, I'm constantly reminded that time is ticking with each passing second of the clock.

As much as that scares me, I try to remain as grounded as I can and it helps that a lot of that self-inflicted pressure is reduced whenever I'm around the people I've built close relationships with. My girlfriend, as well as a very small, select group of friends, has helped to build a strong support system around my well being and that helps tremendously because I know that no matter what I decide that they'll support me 100%. That is, at least a few will anyway...

I don't want to delve too deep into that particular topic just yet, simply because that is a blog worthy of itself; but I think it's fair to admit that in the midst of my indecisiveness that I've also been finding myself to be more distant toward a lot of people. Not consciously of course, but more so in the manner of happenstance. 

Whether or not that's a product of me growing up remains to be seen, but I can't help but feel that in order for me to take the next step in the process that a few things are going to have to be addressed along the way. The first being what exactly I want out of life and, secondly, how I plan to go about bringing all of these things to fruition. All of these dreams and/or ideas are useless inside of my head if I never share them with the world, which brings me to the reason why I decided to return to The Faded Ink. 

I planted this seed five years ago and watched it become an outlet for the theater in my mind. As much as I bottle up my emotions, the feeling I get from putting my words down on paper has always been freeing to me and I never wanted to lose that. 

But I did. TWICE!

Be that as it may, I've never been more comfortable in my own skin and never has the ink been more alive in my pen. So here's to scribbling out the past. Not in the metaphorical sense of erasing, but in the re-writing of what was intended to be there all along.

-xO

¤ The Birds Pt. 1 ¤

"It's funny how someone can break your heart, but you still manage to love them with all the little pieces."

  
I'm not really sure why I'm choosing to write about this side of my growth, but it's been bothering the hell out of me the last couple of days so I guess it wouldn't hurt to let people in for a change in order to see a side of me that is rarely seen.

You see…I kind of have this problem with building up a "wall" of emotion if you could call it that. I'm not sure why, but I guess it's my way of preventing myself from getting hurt. So before I can even let things get that far, I use this proverbial wall as a defense mechanism.

To say that I've been hurt a lot in the past when it comes to friendships and/or relationships would be an understatement, but I'm starting to see that I bring a lot of it on myself and the hardest part is learning not to worry so much about things beyond your control. Rejection is an inevitable part of life and the sooner you realize the sad fact that trust is something that no longer holds value amongst a lot of the people in our society anymore, the sooner you'll be able to understand why it shouldn't be much of a surprise when people begin to turn their backs on you.

Point. Blank. Period. I don't trust anybody completely anymore, especially women. They too, like the seasons, tend to come and go and it's rare to find one who will value a friendship, relationship, or whatever. I feel like I'm more than good enough when it comes to being a potential friend and/or boyfriend and I try to be the best person that I can be but the moment you hurt me, it's like everything we built as a friendship and/or relationship was for nothing and I swear that I'm not the type that can just sit there and pretend that I'm cool with you and that I like you because I'm not.

...it's rare that I even give people a second chance either, but sometimes that's all some people really need. I've been in that boat a couple of times, as well, so I know what it feels like to burn bridges with someone you really care about and it seems like no matter what you do that you can never make up for the damage that's already been done. But, if you really are remorseful, then I've learned that the old adage of "actions speak louder than words" could not be any more true.

It takes a lot for someone to say sorry and mean it, but it takes even more for someone to forgive. I guess it all depends on the person though. I'm the type of person who takes everything to heart, yet will record a mental note of what people do to me so I don't make the same mistake twice in trusting someone who has already hurt me before. It's just  funny though because the one's close to you seem to be the ones to hurt you the most and I'm learning to keep myself at a distance and to not be so open.

I'm not talking about anybody in particular with all this either, by the way, but if anybody takes any of this personal then so be it. If you're cool with me, then you're cool with me; but if we don't even talk and we used to, then it's probably because I smartened up and realized that what "friendship" we had at one time was one-sided and it was just a waste of time in fucking with you in the first place. I have better shit to do and more important matters to take care of…everything else is for the birds.

-xO

¤ Chivalry Is Dead! ¤

Maybe it's just me, but the thing I don't get is how it's generally taught to be a quote on quote "gentleman", yet when it comes down it...no woman really wants that. Sure, women may complain about how they want this "knight in shining armor" to come and rescue them from the asshole they're stuck with but, my thing is, why even be with the asshole in the first place? You knew he was an asshole when you met him and, you know, it's guys like me that seem to always get the short end of the stick... 

Plain and simple, chivalry is dead! Long gone are the days where being a "gentleman" meant something and now that whole aspect seems only relevant when referring to that one Ne-Yo album from a few years ago. Sad, I know, but it's the truth.

All I'm saying is that we need a return towards that way of thinking. A return to where "dating" was a fashionable thing to do whereas, nowadays, it simply serves as the "foreplay" of our generation. Don't believe me? Just look at the constant "so and so is now in a relationship" to :so and so is now single" relationship status updates that happen on a day-to-day basis on Facebook. For whatever reason, people rush into these relationships for all the wrong reasons, it seems like, and all I'm saying is that we wouldn't have a lot of these problems if people were not only honest with themselves, but honest with the people their pursuing as well.

It kind of makes you feel as if true "love" doesn't exist anymore, if much at all, but I'm slowly starting to figure this whole thing out. And that's the hardest part...as much as people can tell you what "love" is, it's up to the individual to experience everything that comes along with it...you can't have joy without the pain and, for as much as I've been through with some of the women I've been interested in, I know enough to know that it takes more than one person to want something in order for it to not only have "meaning", but for it to work out as well.

By no means am I saying that I don't share any of the blame because, clearly, I acknowledge that I bring a lot of my problems with relationships on myself. I hate having to let go with a passion but, sometimes, cutting all ties with a person that has hurt you is really in the best interest of all parties involved. My question, however, is what happens when both parties share an equal amount of the blame; yet one side takes it upon themselves to absolve the other side's in order to bring closure to the situation?

...it's a game of devil's advocate at its finest and, lately, it seems as if it's all I play as I'm constantly replaying a wide range of events throughout my mind. As much as I apologized for a lot of things...a lot of things I'm still NOT understanding, nor will I ever I'm afraid; but for some reason, it always comes back to how I treated you. I was never an asshole by any means, yet it's ironic that it's a role that I can play all too well now that we don't talk much anymore. 

Is that my fault? 

...an open ended question if ever there was one; but here's to another of many that remain unanswered and are constantly swimming in a stream of consciousnesses...otherwise known as your brain.

-xO

¤ Wednesday Is Just The Day Before Thursday. But On Thursday... ¤

"Has it really been that long?"

That's the thought that has been running through my mind constantly ever since I logged back into my Blogger account a week or so ago and it's crazy because I had told myself a year ago that I was going to be better about updating this thing. For some reason or another I've always found excuses not to but, I promise, THIS time will be different. 

Needless to say, I have plenty of things of note to talk about and I assure you that I will address everything in due time; but, for now, I think a quick overview of things will serve just fine.

What can I say? This past year has been a proverbial roller coaster. From friends, to family, to women...I've been through more than my fair share of "trust issues" with all three and it seems like everything has been constantly rotating around in a vicious circle. I never seem to learn my lesson, it seems, but I'm slowly starting to grasp this concept that sometimes keeping your guard up is in your own best interest.You can only wear your heart on your sleeve for so long and, the more that I do, the more I seem to be hurt by it. 

Is it my fault? Yes, I acknowledge that fact wholeheartedly, but it's what makes me, me and I wouldn't change that for the world.

As you can see, this is quite the constant "internal conflict" that I have going on here; but hopefully the next couple of blog entries will help as I delve deeper into this beautiful mind of mine. I can't promise that everything will make sense but what I can promise is that I won't glorify any aspect of it in order to make me sound any better than who I am as a person. Instead, my intent is to present you with the unbridled truth [as seen through my eyes] and the best starting point, I think, would have to be this crazy little thing called love...

-xO

¤ Executive Decisions/Results ¤

I interviewed for a supervisor position at the place where I work and I'm a little anxious to find out as to whether I get it or not.

Unfortunately, I won't know anything until tomorrow; but, the way I see it, I've been working there for almost two years now and I'm well ahead of the learning curve as to what all I'm supposed to know as a teller. It's only appropriate to want to take that next step; but to say I'm a little apprehensive in doing so would be an understatement.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not nervous about the position. I'm more than confident that I could handle all of the responsibilities that come along with it. I'm just more so concerned with whether or not I'm ready to.

Working at a bank requires a lot of attention to detail and, as a teller, I've grown comfortable in making sure that I try to stay on top of everything.

So many different procedures are done routinely while others are done rarely if, hardly, at all. The point is, I'd be expected to know these things like clockwork should I get the position and it's nerve racking, in a sense, especially when considering I'm so use to having that next person "higher up" to assist me with the stuff that I don't.

Not to say that I still won't. I'm just saying that I'm the type of person that's resistant to change and I question whether I would even be in this position had things not fallen apart as they have.

Either way I look at it, I consider this a challenge, of sorts, and I plan to embrace it if given the opportunity. If not, at least I know I gave it a valiant effort; and, sometimes, the thought of not knowing "what if" can hurt worse than rejection. For that reason alone was as to why I even decided to throw my name into consideration in the first place and all I can do now is hope for the best and respect whatever decision is made. Here goes nothing, I suppose...

...To Be Continued...

~T.I.~

¤ 10.10.10 ¤

I find it hard to find solidarity in much of anything anymore, let alone relationships. Whether it be with friends, family, "potential significant others", you name it...everything I touch seems to fall apart and, for once, I just want things to fall into place.

Is that too much to ask? I suppose not but, trust me, the answer to that was purely rhetorical. I just figured asking would only be fair (considering you're taking the time to read all of this) and what better way to involve you, as the reader, than to ask such an open ended question.

You're welcome, nonetheless, but that's beside the point. Everyone feels this way at one time or another, but it just feels like I've had more than my fair share of disappointment. Undeserved disappointment at that, but disappointment is disappointment no matter which way you try to sugarcoat it and I suppose that's part of my problem. I try to fit everything into this proverbial realm of organized structure and the more you try to make sense of things, the more things will never make sense. It's life at its finest. Even more so, it's irony at its ugliest. But my question is, why can't there ever be an in between?

Truth be told, I've never bought into this whole "glass half full" aspect that people will try to sell you when the chips are down. It's all bullshit if you ask me, but to each their own. Instead, I'm more of "glass half empty" kind of guy. I've never been able to understand as to why but, if i had to say, it would be because I tend to put more of an emphasis on what I don't have, rather than what I do. Not the most glaring attribute to have, I know, but, trust me, it will all make sense in a little bit so just continue reading.

It's not that I don't appreciate what I have. In fact, I'm one of the most appreciative people you'll ever meet. All the little things mean the world to me, but I see nothing wrong with wanting more. Nothing wrong with wanting what the next man has, or with wanting all the things that seem to only exist in your dreams. Besides, the way I see it, those things can only become a reality if you want them bad enough and, subliminally speaking, there's nothing more that I've ever wanted than (... ... ....)

Pardon the tease, but I reserve the right to stand pat in withholding my one, true desire. Dreams, in my opinion, can be very fragile in a sense and the last thing I would ever want to do is compromise that. Just know that there's one thing that keeps me going in life and the closer I am to that...that's when I'm at my most happiest. When I'm not...I feel like I feel now and it's one of the most gut-wrenching feelings in the world.

...And to think, the irony in all this is that I now have to sit here and watch another man, no less, take solace in the same very thing that brings me joy. Life surely does imitate art I tell ya'; but something about this just has tragedy written all over it. It just remains to be seen...

~T.I.~

¤ Little Miss Sunshine Pt. 2 ¤

Have you ever had one of those "every song on the radio is about her" kind of moments that make you stop and think about what you once had, yet somehow let slip through your fingers? Well, that's exactly how I feel right about now and this quote is the only thing I [seemingly] have left to hold on to.

"The one will pursue you, not make you prove your worth to them"

An inconvenient truth for me, I'll admit, simply because I feel as though a majority of the blame rests on my shoulders. Still, you can only make excuses for yourself for so long. After a while the truth will eventually start to sink in and it didn't hit me until a year or so ago when she and I had met for the first time (in person) in almost a year.

What can I say? She was as beautiful as I had remembered and just to see her standing there was enough for me to remember the way things used to be. To say those were happier times would be an understatement but the thing I find interesting is how perfectly blind we become when it comes to matters of love. No, I'm not saying that we were in love with one another; (technically we never formally dated to be completely honest) but what I will say is that a missed opportunity can resonate deeper than some of us will ever know.

God broke the mold when he made her and, admittedly, I've never lost sight of that. Besides, for someone as beautiful as her to be a part of my life is more than I could ever imagine and, truthfully speaking, she was the girl of my dreams. The only difference was, she was real.

Why I didn't realize it then was a mistake on my part and the last thing I should've done was to allow her to walk away. Do I regret it? Yes, in hindsight it was a bad decision, especially when considering these feelings that I continue to still have; but it allowed me to learn to take advantage of what I have while it's right there in front of me because a good woman, truly, comes a dime a dozen.

Be that as it may, I guess I just want her to know that the love and support that I have for her will always be unconditional. She'll always be someone I care for and, (*name removed*), I mean that with all my heart and to the depths of my soul.

-T.I.-

¤ Sweet Äs Ðêvil's FððÐ: The Forbidden Fruit Chronicles Pt. 1 ¤

Having a crush on someone you know you can't have has to be one of the worst feelings in world. Trust me, I know. But it's not like working with them makes it any easier...

Therein lies the catch-22 I'm faced with and it seems like I really have no other place to turn to for answers. Besides, every scenario that plays out in my head seems to end the same way and the last thing I would want to do is create an uncomfortable situation (for the both of us) should she not have the same feelings as I do.

Which she probably doesn't knowing my luck but, still, I've learned quite a few lessons from past experiences and to say that I'm a little reserved when it comes to matters of the heart towards co-workers would be an understatement.

It's bad enough these same problems are carrying over to where I work now but the one thing about love is, you can't help who you like. Especially in my case. When I fall, I usually fall hard and, before I know it, it becomes one of those "here we go again" type deals.

But something about this seems different. Forbidden almost in the sense that I want what I know I can't have.

Next to rejection, it's one of the worst feelings in the world and it's not so much the "wanting" that makes it so bad; it's the "wondering". It's all the "what if" and constant back and forth that you exchange with that person that makes you want them even more. The only question is, are the risks greater than the reward?

It puts you in a position to play devil's advocate when you really think about it because, either way you decide to play it, nobody wins when it comes to interoffice romances. The two of you could never really enjoy it (unless you have a really strong foundation) without everybody being in your business and, for that reason alone, I guess that's the only thing really holding me back. That and the unbridled fear of rejection that I tend to have when it comes to things of this nature.

But still I stand here at a fork in the road; questioning whether I should (or shouldn't) indulge in something as sweet as the devil's food. To do so would bring pleasure momentarily, I suppose, but what about everything else that would come along with it? Am I really ready for that kind of responsibility? Am I really ready to learn how to deal?

Maybe if I play my cards right everything will fall into place on its own but, even then, that would require me to make a deal with the devil...

Here goes nothing, I suppose...

-T.I.-

[Author's Note]
I started writing this some time in January so parts of it are no longer relevant. I just figured it would be a shame to let such a fine piece of literature go to waste. Besides, I really liked the way I tied everything to my "Sweet As Devil's Food" theme. I couldn't word it exactly how I wanted to per say, but I think I was ambiguous enough to get my point across. Don't you?

¤ Hip-Hop "Saved" My Life ¤

In a time where capitalism has become an unspoken religion, the pursuit of the almighty dollar is not as elusive as it once was. Self-made entrepreneurs are burgeoning for big business, but none more than those who have a pension for rap.

Yes, even I, too, have had this dream at one time or another but, eventually, reality sinks in past a certain age. Would I love to live the "Hip-Hop lifestyle" for a day? Sure, who wouldn't? But bear in mind that beyond the girls, cars, and clothes lies a naked truth that people rarely get to see. Simply put it's called relevance.

It can never be overstated as to how highly competitive Hip-Hop is as a genre of music; therefore, the lifespan of a rapper can only be compared to that of a running back in the NFL. Plain and simple, a rapper is only as hot as his last hit. The unfortunate thing about it, however, is that the misguided message being sent to our youth would suggest otherwise and therein lies the root of the problem.

Far be it from me, but Hip-Hop just seems overly populated. Everybody wants to rap these days and instead of embracing individuality, too many people sound the same.

Now, I could understand how you admire someone as your favorite rapper, but admiration and emulation are two different things. So many people get the two confused and I think that's why we have a lot of "comparisons" in Hip-Hop. You always hear "this guy sounds like this guy" or "this guy sounds like that guy". Never "this guy sounds different".

It's refreshing almost when you do hear it but even that comes few and far between. Is it a product of complacency? Yes and no, I suppose; but, if you ask me, I think the problem is more with the bullshit music we accept as Hip-Hop.

Gucci Mane, for example, is not Hip-Hop. Even he would tell you that himself. The thing is, he's smart enough to know what's going to sell records and he capitalizes off it. He doesn't try to be something he's not (lyrical), yet the strong following that he has could care less. They absolutely love his watered down music and, admittedly, I guess a part of me does too.

But only in moderation. Real Hip-Hop music has meaning. It has definition. It has soul. Today's music lacks all three of these basic components and I blame that on the 50 Tyson/YouTube generation that we live in. Like it or not, we're all one "Pants on the Ground" hit away from being the next big thing. My only question is, what's going to happen when things eventually fade to black?

To Be Continued...

¤ ATTENTION! Deficit ¤

"Women need attention therefore women will complain
Develop hatred for men and swear that you're the one to blame"--Drake

Women are hard to please...Of course this is something I learned a long time ago but, lately, I'm starting to notice more and more how true this statement really is. Perfect example, take this girl I was talking to recently..

Now, I know I may not be the most attentive person in the world but, sometimes, the expectations women have on men as far as wanting/needing attention are a little unrealistic if you ask me. Especially if things are still at that in between stage.

It makes things awkward almost if things don't work out between the two of you, but I guess it's all about finding that perfect balance. I don't mind showing you attention, but when it becomes obsessive and you feel like you need attention 24/7, then we have a problem.

Nobody needs that much attention and I think that's what's wrong with a lot of relationships nowadays. Don't get me wrong. Communication plays an important part/key to a healthy relationship, but is it possible to have too much of a good thing? That's the question I've been back and forth about as I write this and the answer is a resounding yes. Allow me to explain...

In the 24 years that I've lived, never once have I attracted a woman by showering her with attention. In fact, it's been quite the opposite. Women tend to respond when you treat them like shit and the sad thing is, a lot of 'em like it. How else would you explain a lot of the relationship drama you see on facebook/twitter? It's like clockwork almost with the status updates some of you women post when it comes to problems in your relationships but then, as if it was somehow by magic, things are all patched up by the end of the day. See my point?

This whole "battle of the sexes" is psychological. Nobody really has an advantage and, quite frankly, I, for one, am through in trying to gain the upper hand.

And to think...YOU and I could've been together too...

¤ Fireworks ¤

In the grand scheme of things, I suppose this is how I always envisioned my return to the world of blogging. Not a whisper. Not a hint. Not even an over-the-top, "look I'm back" campaign to inform "you" people. Instead, my return is met as quiet as it was when I first started and I, for one, could not be any more pleased to be back doing what I love most. That being, expressing myself through words and space.

Truth be told, it seems like it's been forever since I last poured my heart into something meaningful. Distractions such as school, work, women, Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube have gotten the best of me but, still, my heart has always been attached to The Faded Ink.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that I helped mold it into something I felt had the potential to be as big/informative as all these other blogs and, at first, I swear the dedication I had to this whole thing was unmatched. I literally poured everything I had into making this the best blog I possibly could but, somewhere along the way, I got sidetracked and began to doubt my abilities as a writer.

For that I blame Troy University. Instead of making me a better writer, it made me question why I even picked up a pen in the first place and that's one of the scariest things to do when it comes to mastering your craft. Besides, they say raw, natural talent is something you can't harvest and, trust me, I learned a long time ago how good of a writer I am and I'll be damned if anybody says different.

But, is that any reason to justify quitting? Yes and no, I suppose. Again, truth be told, I never wanted to walk away from The Faded Ink. I just felt that in order to comply to the standards that were being put on me by Troy University, I had to relinquish the firm grip I had on being opinionated and, in doing so, I also lost a part of me. Not so much a part of me that didn't still have a passion to write but, more so, a part of me that felt compelled to. Everything at that point and time became "work" to me and I've never been that kind of writer. I'm more of a "whatever interests me" type of journalist and Troy University just wasn't having any of that.

So I quit...

Temporarily, of course. I'm debating as to whether I want to go back or not (considering I'm this close to graduating), but a part of me is hesitant because I'm afraid I'll lose and have to find my love for writing all over again. I guess the only thing I can liken it to is the movie "(500) Days of Summer" and for those that have seen it, then I think you can kind of follow as to where I'm going with this. If not, then I understand your confusion, too.

The point is, seasons change. As do emotions and, right now, I'm at a point where I really want to stretch beyond my imagination and grow as a writer. Whether I succeed is ultimately up to me. So as I close, rest assured that The Faded Ink will live on through me. I started this with a purpose and it will continue to live on with meaning. Failure is not an option. Never has been. Never will be.

"This time I'm really going off...fireworks."--Drake

-T.I.-

¤ Remember Michael Jackson's Moonwalker? ¤

All this talk about Michael Jackson in the previous post below really got me to thinking about the influence he had on music and it's a shame that he's no longer among us. Truth be told, I'm a huge fan of the music he left behind; but, even more so, of the film he left as well.

Not many people remember this video anthology, of sorts, encompassed as Michael Jackson's Moonwalker; but I, myself, remember this as if it were just yesterday.

I swear, you couldn't tell me another movie existed as much as I watched it and, looking back, it's not like it was any good either. It's just that, at that time, I WAS Michael Jackson and, in any way I could, I would embody everything he was. Signature glove and all.

It's funny now thinking about it all and how obsessed I was with this man, but I think we all were enamored with his larger than life persona. We never got enough of him as an entertainer and I guess that's why it hurt so much to hear of his passing. He truly was the global icon that everybody made him out to be and, aside from a few character defects, his legacy will ultimately be that of the King of Pop. | + R.I.P Michael Jackson+ |

¤ Vinyl Pop ¤

It didn't dawn on me until the death of Michael Jackson that the collection of old vinyl records my mom had down in the den could possibly be worth something...and, just my luck, she didn't happen to have anything by the late great King of Pop. Just Jermaine.

Now, as frustrating as that was, I remained dilligent in digging through the tons of records she did have and I came across a few keepers. The Rick James one to the left is definitely one I'll keep for myself...along with the Janet Jackson Control album, a few Prince records, and one by New Edition.

Not a bad assortment if you ask me; however, the two vinyl's I really wanted was Purple Rain by Prince and Thriller by Michael Jackson. Somehow, my mom had neither and the thing I don't get is how, for someone that grew up in the 80's, she could have not owned at least one of those!

It just didn't make sense and the more and more I tried to justify it, the more frustrated I became. But, trust me, things have calmed down since. I'm no longer big on vinyl records anymore and, I figure, while it would have been nice to have owned a vinyl of either Purple Rain/Thriller; at least my mom and I were able to connect momentarily, if not briefly. Those kind of moments are what Hallmark cards are made of and, you know, I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

Well...at least almost anything...*cough* Purple Rain or Thriller on vinyl *cough*

~T.I.~

¤ And You Thought Video Killed The Radio Star ¤

Since when was it socially acceptable to play a song about "oral sex" on the radio? Probably around the same time that Lil' Jon & The Eastside Boyz flooded the airwaves with "Get Low" and their infamous "aahh skeet skeet" line I suppose; but Plies' new song "Becky" takes things to an all time low. Not so much to the point that I'm offended but, more so, to the point that I'm concerned. Allow me to explain.

I absolutely despise the radio for those that care to know but it's kind of hard to ignore when you're driving. Especially when your ipod freezes up and the only alternative you have IS the radio. As you can tell, I've had this problem a time or two; but it never really bothered me until the other day. For whatever reason, my ipod seems to have a mind of its own at times and I guess divine intervention stepped in and said I just had to hear this song. Which I did and all I could think was, "how is this on the radio?"

That's all I could think as I was listening and what I don't get is how an educated guy like Plies (watch one of his interviews if you don't believe me) can dumb himself down to make music like this? I get that he has a fan base and all, but what you like/do behind closed doors is your own business. No need to make a song about it. Let alone put it out as a lead single to gauge interest for your album. That kind of shit makes no sense whatsoever and the risks in doing so seem greater than the reward.

I mean, think about it, as much as kids emulate what they already see/hear; why continue to add fuel to the fire? That's exactly what Plies is doing here in my opinion and I fear the more desensitized we become as a society, the more acceptable behavior like this will become a norm.

But perhaps we may have already reached that point. Just this morning I was on the AllHipHop.com message board and it was sickening almost to see grown ass men loathing over this "thick" 16-year old girl. All the degrading, nasty comments about what they would do to her was enough to make anybody uncomfortable and I guess that's why I'm trying to shed light on the subject via this blog.

In no way am I saying that music is to blame; but I will say is that it has some influence. Turn on BET if you don't believe me. We live in a world of misogynistic vantage points that are oftentimes taken out of context, but what else would you expect when all we see are girls in damn near nothing, shaking their asses in these videos?

Definitely not a positive one and the thing I don't get is how people don't understand how kids could see this and think it's perfectly fine. At some point in time we have to draw a line as far as what is considered decent; and last I checked, how "anatomically accurate" you are should not define you. It just shouldn't. Real talk!

But to sit here and say that it doesn't would be a lie on my behalf. The fact of the matter is that music media has conditioned us to think this way and until we do otherwise, "Becky" and everything that comes along with it will continue to be a problem.

...And you thought video killed the radio star.

-T.I.-

¤ I ♥ Chic-fil-A ¤

"My name is Trimaine Irby and I'm addicted to Chic-fil-A".

Sounds sort of like an A-A introduction, doesn't it? But, seriously though, I'm absolutely enamored when it comes to Chic-fil-A. Every time I go to Dothan, I try to make it a point to eat there and it makes no sense for us not to have one in Enterprise!

I mean, how "convenient" is it that we can have two pharmacy's right across from one another; yet, @ the same time, have a very limited selection when it comes to food? That shit makes no sense whatsoever and it bothers me because the closest Chic-fil-A is a tie between Dothan & Troy.

Quite the dilemma I mind you but I guess the silver lining in all this is that I plan to attend Troy in the fall...at least then I'll be able to enjoy Chic-fil-A @ my heart's discretion. I just feel like I shouldn't have to had settled in order to do so.

-T.I.

¤ The Birthday Girl ¤

A friend of mine celebrated their 19th birthday today and I would be remissed if I didn't acknowledge that fact on my own public space. Therefore, Happy Birthday KJL♥ and here's to many more!

¤ You Could Have My Heart or We Could Share It Like The Last Slice ¤

--I'm not sure if I know what it is to be in love with someone anymore. Sometimes it's like you think you're in love but when you are actually with that person you realize that you don't even like the person that much. I think it's funny sometimes. I know what it is to love someone like family, God, my daughter but as far as being in a relationship and loving someone I'm not sure I can do that again. I think I'm in love with someone but I'm not sure. Love is like a game people play. I just don't have time for games. I've been through a lot and have been hurt a lot and I have come to a point in my life that I'm happy. I get lonely sometimes but it does pass. I will stay lonely before I am unhappy and sad because I have let another man in my life to hurt me. I know it's wrong but it will take a lot for a man to get close to my heart. One day I know I will learn how to be in love again.......Like my playlist song says I'm not that silly girl anymore, I know how the game goes.......--

A friend of mine wrote this in a blog of hers on MySpace around a week or so ago and it caught me off guard when I read it. Not so much because I empathized with her on everything she was saying, but because it reflected the same exact sentiments that I happen to have towards love as well.

For what its worth, I, myself, have never been in love and would not be able to relate to those that have; but one thing I've learned along the way is that regardless of how many times someone can break your heart...the funny thing is, we still manage to love them with all the little pieces.

Which is sad when you think about it. Are we that naive (at times) to think that just because a relationship doesn't work out with so-and-so that, later on down the road, something won't happen with the next? That kind of thinking creates a self-fulfilling prophecy and while I agree that being lonely is better than being unhappy, I just feel like men and women, both, tend to put too much emphasis on finding Mr./Mrs. Right. Trust me, if it was that important, God would've made it a point to provide us with someone at birth; but, instead, he provided us with this nifty little concept called "dating".

And I think that's where a lot of people get confused. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're in love and the sooner people realize that, the better off they'll be. Take me for instance. I'm 22 odd years old and I've never had a real relationship, let alone a "girlfriend" for that matter. Does it bother me? Of course it does, at times more than others; but, in the back of my mind, I realize that I have a lot going for me. It may not show on the surface but, last I checked, I'm a pretty genuine dude. It's just fucked up because I've had the worst possible luck when it comes to pursuing females.

Either I choose the wrong ones or I put too much thought into everything that it all starts to go downhill from there. For whatever reason, things seem to never go right and after a while, you start to kind of feel like they never will. It’s kind of like trying to climb a mountain. You know that the top is where you wanna be but, if you never reach it, you start to doubt if there’s anything even there at all. But can you blame me? Every situation that I’ve ever been involved in has ended the same way and there’s only so much heartbreak a person can take. I’m tired of living like this and the more I wear my heart on my sleeve, the more I subject myself to being hurt. Plain and simple, it’s time for a change

Truth be told, I realize that any digression I may have is self afflicted but I would like to believe that I’m a victim of circumstance. Doing so makes things a whole lot easier and a lot less complicated.

Which brings me to my point. What exactly does it mean to be in love with someone? That's the same question this friend of mine proposed and the only educated answer I can remotely provide is that love means not having to defend your feelings. Any doubt whatsoever defeats the purpose and the last thing I would want is someone who thinks they love me. Give me somebody that knows...

...and to think, all this over a 4 letter word that's simple to spell; yet so hard to find.

¤ Art. Imitating. Life. ¤

My friend Erica has been waiting for this for months now and it's finally here! Which is good. I'm happy she'll finally have a chance to play it here in a couple of days (if she ever buys it), but I've never gotten the concept of these kind of games. The only actual "sim" game I've played is Roller Coaster Tycoon and let me just say...I don't think I'll be designing any theme parks any time soon. Besides, if they take as much time and effort as the "sim" implies, then I'm better off quitting while I'm ahead.

But The Sims has more of a following than Roller Coaster Tycoon. A huge following actually and that's what I was kind of surprised to find out. A lot of people love this game and have been looking forward to its release, so I hope it lives up to the hype. From what I understand, it's supposed to be the most interactive Sims yet and as to what that means? I have no idea...I just know that Erica has been talking this shit up to be the next best thing since fire and, hopefully, she's right.

Which she probably will be. The last video game I turned my nose up at was Guitar Hero and I actually liked it after I gave it a try. Again, I don't think being a rock star is in my future; but I held my own. Albeit on beginner nonetheless.

But I digress. I had better luck playing Street Fighter 4 than I did anything else and, you know, all this talk about video games has got me really wanting to finish Gears of War 2. Me and Ralph started playing a few months back, only to pick up NBA Live 2009; and for what ever reason, we just never got back around to it. It's his fault though. Something about he doesn't want to pay $9 bucks @ Blockbuster to rent it. I say he's cheap. He says he's selective with his money. Go figure.

On a lesser note, however, none of this can happen until I get my X-Box back. This is twice in less than a year and a 1/2 that I've experienced the red rings of death and I've had it UP to here with X-Box. Details in a blog coming soon. In the meantime, The Sims 3 is in stores people! Go buy it. Or, better yet, buy it for Erica. She'll be your friend if you do.

¤ Audio Delight @ Low Fidelity | Beats by Dr. Dre ¤

I can't even begin to describe how dope these Beats by Dr. Dre headphones are but, trust me, I'm more than happy with the current pair of Skullcandy that I already own.

Besides, the hefty price tag of $399.95 is a little out of my price range. Maybe if they were a little cheaper I would splurge and buy 'em for myself, but I just can't see myself spending "x" amount of dollars on something as frivolous as headphones. I can think of more important things to invest my money in but, still, that doesn't mean I would pass them up as present. My birthday is right around the corner you know (July 26th); so if anybody wants to get 'em for me, it would be greatly appreciated.

Then again, who am I kidding? Even I wouldn't spend that much money on someone for their birthday, so the last thing I expect to get is some Beats by Dr. Dre headphones. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice. But how naive would it be for me to actually believe that I was getting a pair as a present? Exactly...

Truth be told, I'll be in New York for my birthday, anyway, and I can just imagine how much fun that will be. I'm headed up there to see my uncle, Jim Rice, get inducted into the Baseball Hall Of Fame and, personally, I think it was long overdue. And what do you know...he's getting inducted on my birthday (it's my cousin's as well) no less so it's going to be all the more special. ( ....pause...) It would be even better if he bought me those headphones, too, now that I think about it; but, hey, a guy can dream can't he?