*ÐïåmðñЧ & Gïrl§ [Diamonds & Girls]

"Diamonds are a girl's best friend…"

So why do I even bother…? I guess it's a gift and a curse depending on how you look at it but miscommunication can be a bitch sometimes. Although it's a proven fact that 85 percent of communication is nonverbal, it feels like the other 15 percent is what gets us in the most trouble. That being the case, I often find myself biting my tongue on a lot of things that really need to be said, despite what other people might think, but my whole frame of mind is that you can only daydream for so long. Eventually you gotta wake up and face facts for what they are but some people just won't look in the mirror. Part of it could be that their afraid of what they might see and from a standpoint I can somewhat relate, but if you walk through life long enough eventually you'll confront what you've been running from for so long. Call it karma if you will but I've always been an avid believer in such a concept. However, I believe that we as a society get caught up with the whole negative aspect of karma and the whole "what goes around/comes around" ideology that we forget that good karma can be yielded also.

What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger and in a sense, I feel that after all the shit I've been through and had to put up with for such a long time that the significance of turning 21 meant more than gaining the legal right to drink. I feel like I've reached a turning point in my life and the plan I have in motion for how I want my life to be is slowly but surely starting to get on track. I feel that I've wasted my time with a lot of people that I shouldn't of ever given the time of day to and stressed out over a lot of shit that wasn't even that serious to begin with but the past is the past so as far as I'm concerned…I'm no longer looking in my rearview so it is what it is.

I've done a lot of stupid things and as my boy Eddy P. would so eloquently put it, for far too long I've been a "sucker for love". All the money you spend on someone just trying to be nice and show them that you appreciate them can only work if it goes both ways. In other words, I know what it's like to be standing there with that "egg yolk all over your face feeling" when you discover that you put your heart into something for nothing. It's one of the worst feelings you'll ever have to experience in life and after making the same mistake over and over and over again, eventually you build up a wall to guard yourself from being hurt again like that. The only problem is…you run the risk of never allowing yourself to be accessible to those who actually care for you unlike the people who took advantage of you.

Outside looking in, I guess it all depends on the person. I believe that inside each person lies a quantified amount of good that he/she is capable of but if someone spends their whole life being pampered then more often then naught that person is gonna be one self-centered personality to deal with. You know the type…the "daddy's little girls" of our society that are always told "yes" to and, for some reason, have no comprehension of the word "no". They walk about ubiquitously and have this aura about them that they are better than everyone else and just assume that their looks alone will garner enough attention to get them by in life. However the counterbalance to all that is that not all attention is good attention. That's why I've never understood why some girls constantly deny rumor after rumor that is being spread about them and have the nerve to deflect it on other people when the wheel spins the other direction. An old adage once said, "where there's smoke, there's fire" so read between the lines. I'm not talking about anybody in particular but…(contemplative pause) on second thought, I'mma just leave it alone.

In the heart of hearts, people play the game of love blind in my opinion. In it's purest form love can be a beautiful thing but I feel that we put a label on love too quickly to satisfy our need to be loved by someone. On that note I can relate because people look for love in all the wrong places and instead of letting things grow, we try to hurry the process along to help fill a proverbial void in our lives that we all have at one point or another. Love (or the idea of being in love) makes us do stupid things but the mistakes you make only help you when you find the person that you are destined to be with. I haven't quite found that person yet but I'm smarter about jumping into something just for the hell of it. The way I look at it, all the time I wasted with some people will only come back around full circle and being the universal balance of the universe, karma will even things out for the better. Therefore, hell hath no fury.

"but a mirror is her own worst enemy"

[Author's Note]

I wrote this earlier this year but held on to it for some reason. I had contemplated whether or not I wanted to post it but came to the decision to do so after seeing something that struck me as odd, a little while ago, while leaving Wal-Mart. It's funny how relationships work and how people continue to go back to bad ones but we all have this sense of wanting to belong and without it we feel lost. It's sad that people can't be content and would rather settle for false love but that's life. I hope my words are an inspiration for those who have been where I've been so keep your head up and let patience be your guide. Love conquer's all...at least I'm told...but that could be an overstatement so take it or leave it.