"Excuse my French emotion and my passion/But I wear my heart on my sleeve like it's the new fashion"-Lil' Wayne
*Continued from †hê Èlêþhåñ† Ìñ †hê Rððm [The Elephant in the Room]
It's like this…for a far as I can remember, it seems like I've always gotten the raw end of the deal. So much so that when things take a turn for the worse, the only justifiable means I can come up with is to shrug my shoulders, say "it's no big deal", put on a smile, and pretend like it doesn't even bother me. Deep down, a lot of pent up frustration lies dormant after all these years of being suppressed but if it wasn't for writing, I fear my only outlet would be one that was non-constructive. Not that it matters anyway but, to each his own. I just feel like all this "bad luck" of mine serves a higher purpose of sorts and may be a way of telling me when things aren't right for me, but who am I to question fate? Things happen for a reason is what I've always believed and for some reason, I've always been that nice guy to finish last.
Outside looking in, I suppose I'm not aggressive enough in my nature to go after what I want, when I want it but I'm starting to think that dating is not my thing. Bad things happen when I try and, besides, my history suggests that any girl I start talking to will end up in the arms of another guy. Don't believe me? I'm 8-for-8 so far and you can bet 9-for-9 will be a sure thing. It all depends though, I really like the person I'm talking to now and want to see where that goes, but I'm not as confident about it as I was when things first started. I'm not exactly sure what changed or what I may have done to have her lose interest, but then again it's me that we're talking about. Too many times I hear, "Trimaine, you're such a nice guy, any girl would be lucky to have you" and if that isn't bullshit then I don't know what is. My personality is MY personality and so far, nobody has been able to click with that like I had hoped; but lately I've found hope in her. The only thing is, I'm just not sure if that is what she wants anymore. . .
So, there's this girl. . .now that that's out of the way, why not continue deeper into the dark recesses of this mind of mine and see what else is in there. Other than friends being fake (*surprise, surprise*--not really) and this "No Country For Old Men" policy I strongly want to advocate, I'm at a standstill right now with life as I know it. No part of me is happy in the least bit, but in every dark cloud is a silver lining and from here lies an uphill struggle that I know all too well.
Indeed, it would be nice to have a "pocket full of sunshine" that I could enjoy for once and embellish with those around me, but dark clouds seem to follow me and it seems like I'll never break the mold. For what it's worth, it seems like I'm destined for a life of solitude but FUCK THAT…I'll be damned if that happens. My shit is just as good as the next guy so it's time for me to wake up, smell the roses, and get my swagga on full tilt. I'm superbly confident in what I can bring to the table and sure that I will make someone happy one day, but what the fuck is crying over spilled milk gonna do? The past is the past, the only thing I can do is learn from my mistakes and try not to make the same one's twice, right?
Easier said than done, I know, but my demeanor is on par as we speak and things are starting to come full circle. No longer will I give my heart so willingly, only to have people step all over it when they feel the need to and no longer will I be as naïve. The most important person I can/should care about is me, everybody else can kick rocks for all I care. That being said, I don't have a care in the world. Fuck everything to be more specific. And last but not least, before I hit the kill switch. Fuck Y.O.U.---And THAT'S HOW YOU LET THE BLOG BUILD, BITCH!
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