¤ Little Miss Sunshine ¤

I think, as a guy, that the hardest thing for us to do is swallow our pride and just admit when we are wrong. No amount of pride is worth holding on to if it means you lose someone special over it and, as I sit here and write this while I listen to Chris Brown's "I Wanna Be", I can't help but feel like wanting to just press rewind and do everything all over again.

Is it natural to feel like that? I'm quite sure it is but, still, a part of me knows that a good majority of the blame falls on my shoulders. I never should've questioned you the way I did and, although I can't take back all the mean and hurtful things I said, at the end of the day, I still have some kind of love for you that just won't go away regardless of how hard I try.

Something about you got a hold of me a long time ago and to just deny that seems unnatural. Maybe that's why from time to time, I can't help but think about you and all the "good" times we had. For once in my life, I was close to happiness; and as I look around at what I'm faced with now, I realize how dumb it was to sit idly by and just expect you to always be there. Was it naive of me to think that? Sure, without question, it was. But an apology now wouldn't change things. All I can do is be humble about the situation, admit that I fucked up a good thing, and go on knowing that I may have missed out on being apart of something special.

It's crazy. I don't normally put my feelings out here like this for the whole world to see, but I guess I'm looking at the bigger picture here. And what's that? Simple. The fact that you're not in it. I would give anything to have you be apart of it once again,but I know, like you know, that a relationship between us would never work. For some reason, our personalities clash with one another and, oddly enough, that same reason is what makes us absolutely right for one another. Wouldn't you agree? ...

...Probably not. And, I understand, why you wouldn't. It's just that, I don't want you to think that I'm writing all this in a desperate attempt to win you back. No, that's not it at all. This right here is absolutely genuine and is everything I wanna say, but can't say.

Trust me, you have no idea how many times I've wanted to just pick up the phone and call you. Or, how many times I wanted to hit send on a text message. Thoughts like these are constantly on my mind and, as much as I would like to sit here and type all day, no amount of words in the English language could express how sorry I am. That's how much I wish I could hit rewind and pretend like none of this ever happened; and, if I could, I would do it in a heartbeat...

...and that's when reality sinks in. No longer do I see your name pop up on my phone for an incoming call and no longer do I get any of your random text messages. Instead, I get what I gave you. Nothing.

So, while a part of our relationship may be forever damaged, the last thing I would ever want to lose is you as a friend. I know now that a lot of mistakes on my part was the reason for our downfall and, as I humbly swallow my pride, I want you to know that I'm sorry and would love nothing more than to make things right. If not for the sake of us, simply because...

--"I Wanna Be"--

T.I.