¤ 10.10.10 ¤

I find it hard to find solidarity in much of anything anymore, let alone relationships. Whether it be with friends, family, "potential significant others", you name it...everything I touch seems to fall apart and, for once, I just want things to fall into place.

Is that too much to ask? I suppose not but, trust me, the answer to that was purely rhetorical. I just figured asking would only be fair (considering you're taking the time to read all of this) and what better way to involve you, as the reader, than to ask such an open ended question.

You're welcome, nonetheless, but that's beside the point. Everyone feels this way at one time or another, but it just feels like I've had more than my fair share of disappointment. Undeserved disappointment at that, but disappointment is disappointment no matter which way you try to sugarcoat it and I suppose that's part of my problem. I try to fit everything into this proverbial realm of organized structure and the more you try to make sense of things, the more things will never make sense. It's life at its finest. Even more so, it's irony at its ugliest. But my question is, why can't there ever be an in between?

Truth be told, I've never bought into this whole "glass half full" aspect that people will try to sell you when the chips are down. It's all bullshit if you ask me, but to each their own. Instead, I'm more of "glass half empty" kind of guy. I've never been able to understand as to why but, if i had to say, it would be because I tend to put more of an emphasis on what I don't have, rather than what I do. Not the most glaring attribute to have, I know, but, trust me, it will all make sense in a little bit so just continue reading.

It's not that I don't appreciate what I have. In fact, I'm one of the most appreciative people you'll ever meet. All the little things mean the world to me, but I see nothing wrong with wanting more. Nothing wrong with wanting what the next man has, or with wanting all the things that seem to only exist in your dreams. Besides, the way I see it, those things can only become a reality if you want them bad enough and, subliminally speaking, there's nothing more that I've ever wanted than (... ... ....)

Pardon the tease, but I reserve the right to stand pat in withholding my one, true desire. Dreams, in my opinion, can be very fragile in a sense and the last thing I would ever want to do is compromise that. Just know that there's one thing that keeps me going in life and the closer I am to that...that's when I'm at my most happiest. When I'm not...I feel like I feel now and it's one of the most gut-wrenching feelings in the world.

...And to think, the irony in all this is that I now have to sit here and watch another man, no less, take solace in the same very thing that brings me joy. Life surely does imitate art I tell ya'; but something about this just has tragedy written all over it. It just remains to be seen...

~T.I.~